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Why Do You Love The One That You Love?

A Short Devotional thought from Song of Solomon 5:9–16



9 What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women?

What is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?

10  My beloved is white and ruddy,

The chiefest among ten thousand.

11  His head is as the most fine gold,

His locks are bushy, and black as a raven.

12  His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters,

Washed with milk, and fitly set.

13  His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers:

His lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.

14  His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl:

His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.

15  His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold:

His countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.

16  His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely.

This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Solomon 5:9-16


She looked devastated to me. I could see that her heart had been shattered by his total lack of attention to detail. We were in a pre-marriage counseling session when it happened.

I like to do a few sessions before I perform a wedding ceremony, not that I was a great husband with things to teach from my own personal practice, obviously that is not the case. I do feel it my duty to make a couple aware of what the Bible teaches about marriage, the seriousness of God concerning the institution and to help them start on the right foot spiritually. That day I had begun with a simple question, “why do you want to marry her?” His first response was fairly typical, “I love her man”. It is good to begin a marriage with love, but most don’t understand it and mistake it for something else. So I pressed further, “why do you love her?”

The groom’s answer surprised me when he said, “She’s hot man!” I agreed with him that his fiancé was an attractive lady, but urged him to think of more reasons for his love. He look at me in frustration and said, “I love her!” My next words went something like this, “I understand that you love her, but you are about to commit the rest of your lives to each other and she needs to hear why you love her, please tell us, what do you love about her?”

Can you guess what he said?

“She’s hot man!”

At this point I thought that maybe the poor man just needed some help, so I began to offer some suggestions. I observed her stylish dress, how she always had good hair (yes, I always notice the hair. I have hair envy. Do you really think that you wouldn’t if you were me?), she had a good sense of humor, and the list kept going. I offered so many great suggestions in hopes of jump starting his mind that I began to feel uncomfortable saying so many nice things about another fella’s lady. After feeling that I had sufficiently suggested enough things for him to easily be able to answer, I asked again, “Why do you want to marry her?”

He said, “I love her!”

I asked, “but, what do you love about her?”

He said, “She’s hot man!”

I looked at her expression and saw surprise, sadness, disappointment, and devastation.

It was obvious from the look on her face that she longed for someone to really see her, to care enough to take a deeper look and appreciate the things that others don’t take the time to notice and yet the one she had chosen as a life partner was unwilling to invest the effort.


In today’s reading the bride is asked by the daughters of Jerusalem what was so special about her man.


Song of Solomon 5:9
What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women?
What is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?

These friends are asking the question, “why do you love the one that you love?” Unlike the guy in my story, she had a detailed answer. In the rest of our reading she poetically lists the things that set him apart from the crowd. She spends most of her time bragging on his physical attributes but doesn’t leave out his speech and their friendship as she recounts the reasons for her love.


I can only imagine how great he would have felt if he had heard how she had spoken about him to her friends.


I believe that every person who claims love, should care enough to research the reasons. Is it love or lust? Do you care enough about the person to pay attention to the details? Do you even notice that dimple when she smiles? Have you missed how her cute little nose moves ever so slightly upward when she makes that expression? Did you overlook how he tries to make you feel special in his own unique way? Do you appreciate how he changes his posture when you are around because he still cares how you perceive him? I wonder how our relationships would change if we all threw away the list of negatives about that special person in our lives and made a list of the positives? Write down what you like, list things like their hair (or lack thereof), eyes, smile and keep just going. Don’t forget their character, dependability, honesty, generosity and all those things that can’t be seen with just a glance.

Why do you love your love?


Of course, Solomon’s song can be applied to our Lord and our relationship to him. Can you give a detailed answer about why you love the Lord Jesus? Can you say that you care enough to research the reasons for your love and admiration? Can you list things like his humility to leave Heaven and dwell among mere men, his willingness to sacrifice himself so that we could all be saved, his faithfulness to keep us in spite of our bent towards unfaithfulness, his love, his goodness, his mercy and his grace?

You say that you love Jesus, but I ask you, why do you love the one you love?



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